What’s So Funny About Space?

Our universe is filled with secrets and mysteries, leaving us with many questions to be answered. Now more than ever, we find ourselves searching for those answers as the very fabric of space, science and society are converging. As we give you the knowledge that breaks the barrier between what is science and what is merely pop culture. This is StarTalk. Now, here's your hosts, astrophysicist Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson and comedian, Lynn Coplitz. We're back on StarTalk. Lynn Coplitz, good to see you again. Hi, Neil. I missed you last week. I know. I always miss you. You're so busy, like, working. I got to work for my money, Neil. I'm back on the stroll. We don't pay enough here? I'm back on the stroll. That's the life of a comedian. You're listening to StarTalk Radio. I'm your host, Neil deGrasse Tyson, joining with me my co-host, Lynn Coplitz, stand-up comedian and actress. So what we've got here is StarTalk Radio. You can track us at startalkradio.net. And not only that, we're now podcastable on iTunes. All you have to do is go, like, search for StarTalk. And it's actually a Discover magazine portal. They have other podcasts available through that channel, but we are there, startalkradio.net. I think it's great that we talk about science on this show, and you're an astrophysicist, and the two of us just had a total spazm moment where we couldn't get sound on the air. See, we're real people, people. Yeah, no, we're good. I think we're good now. So we're on, this is our 13th show. 13th show, Baker's Dozen, that's right. Our 13th show, and I think it's been kind of successful. Yeah, well, I think a lot of ways to measure that, how many people call in, how many emails we get. It's really been a little experiment, because we didn't know how it was going to work out, Neil, an astrophysicist and a space cadet, as they like to call me in the intro. I think of you as a space brigadier general sometimes. Thank you so much. And according to what Stephen Colbert said on a show, where he said repeatable results, I just want to, I'd like to prove today that I have listened to the show and learned something. I think the repeatable results is that we wanted to see if people would be interested if we could draw your crowd and my crowd. I think that is, that is success. If we could bring them both to the dinner party and the repeatable results would suggest, yes. Plus you were showing off that we had Stephen Colbert as a guest. You just slipped that in there. Oh yeah, I'm just a bit of a name dropper, and we have some other big names. We have some astronauts and Peter Maxx. So the real experiment here is linking science and comedy, really, to see what that experiment means. Pop culture. I'm pop culture. And Bill Nye had something to say about this. Oh, I'm sure he did. It's our Bill Nye Minute. Let's see what he's got to say on that subject. When we take our summer break, is Bill Nye going to take it with us? Yes, he will. So let's find out what he's got to tell us. Hey, Bill Nye the Science Guy here. This week, is science funny? Well, try this one. 186,000 miles per second. It's not just a good idea. It's the law. See, that's funny if you know the speed of light. 300,000 km a second. Is that any funnier? Not really. How about this one? If a plane crashes. Well, that's because there were too many poles in the left half plane. See, that's not really funny. It's about a plane crash. But if you know about control systems and imaginary numbers in the left half plane, it's kind of charming. And they asked these guys in Switzerland at the Particle Accelerator at CERN, is it true that you're going to make a black hole that could swallow up the earth in 45 minutes? No, it's more like 50 minutes. See, that's funny to the scientist, but to the illiterate journalist, it's kind of a mystery. Well, I remind you that science is a human idea, maybe the best idea humans have ever had. And since there are humans involved in science and humans are funny, well, that makes science funny. Get it? I got to fly. Bill Nye, the science guy. There he goes. You know, Bill Nye started his career as a stand-up comedian. I don't know if you knew that. Oh, really? Well, you can't tell. Well, listen, we are... This show, let's tell everyone, we're about to go on a summer break, you and I. Yes, yes. Because we have given all we can to the universe right now, and we both need to enjoy a little sun and get out of the studio. And so we decided instead of just doing, like, flashback clips, we have some interesting guests, and we wanted ourselves to kind of nostalgically go past some of the shows that we enjoyed. Yeah, well, you said interesting guests. This is like... We have a special guest as my friend. Your friend? Well, it's not just any old friend. I happen to know, Lynn. You, like, slipped in Joan Rivers on us. I know. I saved the best for last. You didn't know that's what I had with all your rocket scientists, and I pulled Joan Rivers out of my pocket, baby. You totally delivered Joan Rivers, and we got... And we went to her house. You got to go to her house. She was so kind to us by the way. She had her little dogs running around, too. Yes, they're everywhere. She's hilarious with her dogs. She's like me with my dogs. But also, you know, her grandson Cooper is a huge science fan. He's like a middle schooler or something. He's nine. And he loves Hayden Planetarium, and you were generously giving her your membership there for Cooper. I had to kiss up somehow. She was so tickled. She was thrilled. So we have a lot of interviews with her. We're going to listen to them. Yeah, and we want to find out what are her views on many of the subjects of the series. We picked some of our favorite subjects, and then we wanted to see what Joan would say. Like, for example, on space exploration. Let's see what she told us about that. StarTalk Radio is here in Joan Rivers' library, and I'm Neil deGrasse Tyson with Lynn Coplet and Joan Rivers. Joan Rivers. It's my library. I should be in here. So Joan, StarTalk, as you know, we talked to anybody who's got something to say about the universe, and we know you have stuff to say about everything, including the universe. So I just want to start off. I had like a bunch of questions I want to ask you. You realize that in space, particularly in orbit around Earth, there's like no gravity. There's like zero G. And on the moon, it's like one sixth G. And so you realize that with less gravity, things float. Do you have any thoughts about that? Do you ever thought of living in space because things float? No, what I've thought about is I know that if you go around the Earth, if you go backwards, you get younger. That was in the movie Superman. Yeah, but that's not real, though. That was just Superman. Well, apparently Suzanne Somers now lives in a rocket ship. So, no, I don't like the outfits. So I wouldn't live in outer space. So it's all about the clothes. Yes. I'm sorry. I agree, but I like the idea of zero gravity, Joan, because without zero gravity, gravity is what pulls everything down. So it does give us that more uplift. That's the only reason I would even consider going in space, is the idea of I don't have that drag down. So, Joan, you don't need any more uplift, apparently. No, no, no, the point is, yeah, so you would have things up, you just have to wear those stupid spacesuits. Oh, good point. They look like gay exterminators. I don't like the spacesuits. Good point. So even if you're floating, no one knows because you're wearing a space suit. Yes, you're wearing a super space suit. They don't know. You can't get your toes down those big boots, the gravity boots. It is so not for me. So you want open-toed gravity boots? I would like, if I was good, I will wait to go on the moon until they figure out a way you can look nice. Now, I can see, I could totally see you doing, for QVC, something, something designer in the whole, the aerospace line. We could do it first. The moon pin. And it makes you look thinner. As shown. And that's me mocking that everything, everything on QVC, they always say makes you look thinner. This is where, this is where, if you want to find her on TV, she's going to be on QVC, like, half the time. Is that, is that where she... And the roast, they're playing it over and over again, and it's wonderful if you haven't seen it. Oh, on Comedy Central when they roasted Joan Rivers. Now what else? We have more clips from Joan. I also asked her about the practical realities of human space exploration. Let's see what she says about that. I would like to know what a woman does. Seriously, I might make a joke about a period in space. What do you do? That's why I think there's so few astronauts, ladies, that they send up. Remember that idiot that drove wearing a diaper? You think she's an idiot because I say she's a genius. Everyone called her crazy and I was like, only an astronaut comes up with the clever idea of going from Texas to Florida and wearing a diaper so she just saved time. I know, but forgot. Would you want to sit next to her in the car? I mean, remember that she went to kill her boyfriend or the astronaut's wife? I don't know. Only an astronaut would think that. But I think, I love the idea of, I've always thought of my body as kind of the last frontier. And my G-spot is a place that no man has dared to go. And if he does, he may not come back. He'll get sucked into some sort of black hole, is that what you're telling? There's a concern because in the long voyages to Mars, people have to live in close quarters for a long time and they have to be really friendly with each other. I find that really, you better make them very ugly lady astronauts. I think you don't put a good-looking, hot little astronaut in there with other men. You put in like a big lumpy astronaut. I don't know if you know this, but this was on one of our shows as well, that there is a NASA sex tape out there, because they wanted to see if they could have sex in space. And they actually taped it. And I was saying that... I've never seen it. I haven't seen it. And I said that I thought the favorable position would be doggy style. It would have to be. You have to hold on to something. I think that's... You gotta brush up on your laws of physics if you're gonna do sex in space. You understand, of course, that this is what you're gonna put on as a viral video. You talk about a viral video. That's a viral video. Okay, so just to recap, we put ugly women astronauts... In the space station. In the space station. And I think we make sure we regulate their cycle and make sure that they're not PMS when they're up there, because we don't need someone having some sort of space craze. I wonder when they do set up the women astronauts, they have to take that into consideration. The cycle... well, I mean the launch date. Or do you when you're in space not have your period, by the way ballerinas don't? I don't know. That's interesting. Well, ballerinas don't because they're basically dysmenorrheic, right? They're so... ballerinas are so busy working and working out. Like a lot of women athletes don't have their period. I wonder if astronauts do it. See, that's the kind of things people would love to know. But no, they tell us the stupid things. Well, no, there's other stuff they don't tell you. They don't tell you every time an astronaut throws up. They don't tell you that. And they do throw up all the time and they're in that little helmet. And it floats in the air and they have to vacuum it up. And that's why they would take a woman in space. Joan is hilarious. Isn't she great? I think it sounds like I love listening to this because I haven't heard it yet and it sounds like Joan and I are two little kids playing and you keep coming in like the papa, like the teacher, and really astrophysically speaking. That's because I was sitting between the two of you during that interview. I felt like, you know, I'm like, why am I even here? You know, because you all just like resonating. Because you were keeping us both down to earth and sane. You know, and plus Joan has been around for many decades, as we know. I don't think she'd appreciate that. Well, no, she'd admit to that. And she's, of course, around for the 1960s. And we recently had, in June 20th, July 20th, 2009, was, of course, the 40th anniversary of the Apollo 11 landing. And so, always wanted to know what people were thinking and doing back then. And so, very much, I wanted to know that from Joan. Let's find out what she had to tell us. I was at Fire Island, and I remember that we had a wonderful little house, my husband and I, and we had friends over, and I remember sitting and watching, as we all did, on television, watching them land on the moon. And then all those insane rumors started that they didn't land on the moon. They did it in New Jersey in a hangar. Remember all that stupidity? And it was very exciting. And I remember that China, do you remember this, came out and said, we have our own space plan, and we will have, I remember this clearly, a restaurant up on the moon in 2001. China made a big announcement, and Israel already made reservations. I remember China say that, you think you're so smart, we will have a restaurant up on the moon in 25 years. And I thought, oh, just say how smart we are. Well, I have to say, but it would have no atmosphere. Am I allowed to crack a joke every now and then? You're allowed to try, baby. So wait, I want to know, is that really true, what she was saying, or was she joking about, did they say that the moon landing didn't really happen? Was that one of the rumors that happened that day? Well, at the time, no. Were they saying it happened in Jersey later? In a hangar in Jersey. No, were they saying that, though? Because lots of strange things happened like that then. Well, people, there are always people in denial of the advance of technology, but I've seen the moon hoax claimers to be more vocal in recent years than back at the time, because at the time, there was the whole buildup. We had Gemini going into orbit, and steps were taken, so there was nothing happening out of the blue. All I remember is I wanted to watch Chastity Bono on Sunniest Share, and my mother said no. Because we were going on the moon? Because the moon is, she's like, look at that, and I was like, whatever. And I remember being in front of the TV and being annoyed. You so did not say whatever. That came like two decades later. I didn't say whatever. I just was like, ugh. I was annoyed. You're listening to StarTalk Radio. I'm your host, astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson. We're in our 13th show, reflecting on some of the shows that have come before. And, Lynn, we've had more time with Joan Rivers. Yes, if you missed out on the past 13 episodes, it's okay. We don't hate you. Today, you can get caught up so that the next 13 will be so exciting for you. You can get caught up on, you can actually podcast us right off of iTunes or directly hear the broadcast on startalkradio.net. So, let's take our first break and we'll be back with more from StarTalk Radio and more of our interview with Joan Rivers. You have to wee-wee. You have to take a break. You have to go wee-wee. No, I don't. But I don't have to, but it doesn't mean I won't. All right, we'll see you in a moment. In a moment. Whether you're a space cadet or a rocket scientist, we want to hear from you. The phone lines are open. Call now. This is StarTalk. We are back on StarTalk Radio. I'm your host, Neil deGrasse Tyson, with my co-host, Comedienne, Lynn Koplitz. Lynn, I have to say, you were awesome in getting time with Joan Rivers for this 13th program of ours. Well, thank you. And you know what was really fun for me was, it's a very collaborative effort when we come up with what the shows are about, and our producers let us really join in. It was really fun because I got to go back to some of the shows that I really loved and that I thought were comically rich, that I thought Joan would really enjoy. And you know, one of the best ones was The Virgin Galactic. Oh, space tourism. We had to bring that subject to her. We just had to because I just, you know, I interviewed people on the street for that show, and just so people at home know what we're talking about. It was on space tourism, and Richard Branson has Virgin Galactic. The space, the aviation entrepreneur, Richard, billionaire. He's not going on the first voyage, but he's really pleased to take 200 gram from you to put you on it. Selling tickets to it. Yeah, and everyone, I interviewed people on the street, and a lot of seniors were all for it, and a lot of the young people were like, heck no. And you yourself, Neil, said no. You were like, I'll try the fifth or sixth one. I heard too much about maiden voyages of ships. We've seen blimps blow up. No, thank you. I've seen those stories. So I wanted to know what Joan at 75 years old, what her reaction would be. Well, let's find out. Only if there was a first class section. JoJo, right now, there's no flight attendant or meal included. No, you can sit next to anyone. Nope, nope, nope. You might not even have a bathroom, because it's just a flight up and then back. It's just like, it's a suborbital and you come back. No, I definitely like first class. I like my own bathroom. I want to be given earplugs. I want to be given... No, I would not go. Why don't you be angry if you didn't get a window seat? That was my whole thing. For 200 grand? For 200 grand, I want a thing that you can sleep on. Sleeper seat. And definitely a flight attendant. For 200 grand, rubbing your feet. A flight attendant? I want three gay men lined up. And she wasn't kidding. I mean, she was serious. I mean, because when this was over, she continued on about this topic. Joan is outrageous. She was absolutely disgusted. And so was I. If you remember when we did the show, people listening, if you go back and you go to our website and you go to that episode, you will laugh very hard because it really was aggravating. Well, I can tell you that for her to ask for a sleeper couch, you're paying to get the view of Earth. So she's not going to want to go to sleep. Oh, but give me a break, Neil. It's like in the vacation movie. Okay, seen it. For five minutes, you see the view of Earth. Oh, that's really great. If I pay 200 grand, I'm going to stay awake the entire time. I just don't want people throwing up on me. I don't want stuff like that. And I don't know if there's big celebrities up there. I'm also taking pictures of Val Kilmer looking at the view of Earth. But we also asked Joan about the Timothy Leary. Oh, yeah, you know, there seems to be this trend. Timothy Leary among them, Clyde Tombaugh among them, the discoverer of Pluto. These are people who have requested and... I love that name drop. Go ahead. Go ahead and drop Clyde... He's dead, but what do you mean? Yeah, because I drop Joan Rivers. Okay, but I've never even met the guy, so I'm not dropping. I'm just mentioning a historical figure who discovered Pluto. Clyde Tannenbaum. Go on. Clyde Tannenbaum. Among others, including... Who's the guy who created Star Trek? Gene Roddenberry. All these folks have agreed to get their ashes launched into space, and Clyde Tannenbaum's ashes are going to pass by Pluto in five years, and Roddenberry's ashes went to the moon. And so I think a question for Joan was, if we... I'm giggling because I know what she said. If she gets cremated, what should we do with her ashes? Or her dog's ashes. Should we send them into space or not? Let's see what she said. No, I'm going to have my ashes thrown in my agent's face. So I know exactly where my ashes are going. But I think you have to do something with the ashes. But if everybody was getting cremated and tossed, we're ruining space as it is. I don't want to have my ashes up there in space somewhere. It's kind of littering, isn't it? Seriously, as a scientist, what would that do if everybody starts cremating and throwing the ashes up into space? There's a lot of space debris there already without people's ashes, but it would just add to it. That's all. Add to the garbage dump. Now, how much garbage is there up there in space? At what point are we going to say we have polluted space? We have because our satellites are up there, cramming their spot in their orbit to try to get up there. It's a mess. And it's a deep concern going forward because the satellites have to have extra fuel to take themselves out of orbit to burn up. Otherwise, they just stay up there forever. And they're running out of space to put satellites. That's what's going on now. So what happens if I wanted to put another satellite up, I would actually have to knock somebody else's out? Yes, because all the satellite spots for communications satellites are all taken. It's like housing in Manhattan. Like you're waiting for someone to die so you can get their apartment. Isn't she a great guest? She's great. She just makes me smile every time I hear her voice. I adore her. You know, the first time I ever saw her was live. I didn't even know she existed. I was a little kid. It was back in the 1960s. And we got, one of my relatives arranged music for The Fifth Dimension. And they were on the Ed Sullivan show. How apropos is that now given what you do? What, The Fifth Dimension? Well, The Fifth Dimension, okay, yes, it was a performance group. But actually, Fifth Dimension, they were not, they thought that one through, right? Did you know that, remember the four elements of ancient times, earth, air, fire and water? Remember those? Not that you remember them, but you read about them, right? Earth, wind and fire. No, no. Earth, air, now you're confused. Earth, air, fire and water. All right, those are the four elements. No, it was earth, wind and fire. Air got fired early on for being uppity and having too much to say. So, what you had, the Greeks had a fifth element. I don't know if you knew about this. There's a fifth. Not only those four. The fifth, in Greek, and the fifth element was the essence of where the gods lived. It was the essence of, it was the cosmos. So that's where the name of fifth dimension came from? Well, I don't know exactly, but I do know that if you want to think of a fifth thing, the fifth essence is how the Greeks thought of it. And the word for that is quintessence. I love that. Quintessence. I had them on eight-track. Without a group, too? No, I had fifth dimension on eight-track. And I used to listen to Won't You Marry Me, Bill. Oh, yeah, Bill. Yeah, on the balloon. And Up, Up, and Away, and Aquarius. These were all very big songs. Songs of a generation. Well, I saw the fifth dimension on the Ed Sullivan show, and she was one of the acts that night. That's amazing. So I had to ask, I had to remind her of this, just in case. Let's see what she said. She was funny. You were on the Ed Sullivan show, and following the fifth dimension, and I came out, and you signed my autograph book at the time. Do you remember that? No, but I remember the fifth dimension, because they were adorable. And I have a picture of all of us. Ed Sullivan was live, and if you were on the second half, you got cut because people went long on the first half, they were supposed to. I have a picture of the fifth dimension and me, all looking up, watching a clock, which is hilarious, because we knew if somebody was going longer now, whoever would sing like Tony Bennett, you were going to get bumped. So I love the fifth dimension. I love their outfits. Yeah, that was of the day and of the moment. Yeah. So have you ever performed for scientists or anybody at NASA? Or just a geeky crowd? Yes. As a matter of fact, I was hired to do a Trekkie, a Trekkie convention and do my act, but it was in Miami, so there were mainly Shekkies. Trekkies. But is that like a Jewish Trekkie? A Shekkie is a Jewish Trekkie. I've been around you long enough now. I knew exactly what you were... I saw the look on Neil's face, like, what's a Shekkie? Because Neil is so, you know, he's a genius, a genius level, so he immediately wants to know why he doesn't know. I didn't want to embarrass myself by wondering what a Shekkie was, but... See, finally, you feel like I normally feel. So how did that go? It went very well. They were adorable. Remember, anyone who's interested in space is smart. We know that. Everyone who's interested in space is smart. They're interested in something outside of the shell of people like me. All I care about is decorating my apartment. That's the only space I am interested in. That was Joan Rivers on StarTalk. I adore her. So, Lynn, how is it that you know Joan Rivers? I know comedians know some of each other, but for you to know Joan, who? I work on a TV show called Z Rock on the IFC channel, and Joan plays my aunt. Independent Film Channel channel. The Independent Film Channel is on Sunday nights, and Joan plays my aunt on the show. So you play relatives. Yes, and we had an instant chemistry, and she has been an amazing mentor the last two years. I'm really blessed to say that, and she's a good friend, and just wonderful. She's as generous in spirit as she is with her jokes and her time. I mean, she did this for us in the middle of a million things she was doing. But what I have to point out is, you know how her voice is so distinct? She will leave me messages, especially when I have big things, and she'll be like, you're wonderful, you're brilliant. It's Joan Rivers. And I just burst into hysterical laughter because I'm always like, I know it's you. Like, who else could it be? Listen, one of the things that I wanted to ask Joan about too, because going back over past shows, I was like, oh, I know she'll have something rich here, is we did a show on, well, we've done plenty of shows where we've addressed the topic of life on other planets. And we actually had a caller on one show that I thought was hilarious. I even remember his name, Gary. And he was the guy that was in, he was in California and he said, am I all alone? He was like, British, I'm all alone out here by myself. I want to know if there's more people in the universe. So we asked Joan about aliens in space visiting us and, you know, what she thought about that. All right. Do you think that there is life out in outer space as we know life? That's a perfect question. Excellent question. And if you look at how big the universe is and how common the chemistry is of life, we're made of ingredients that you find everywhere in the universe. Carbon, nitrogen, oxygen. It's the most common ingredients in the universe. And the universe is vast. It's been around a long time. It would be inexcusably egocentric to suggest that life on Earth is alone in the cosmos. But we keep thinking the search is for intelligent life. What we might find is like pond scum. Like at this point, we're dumbing it down. We just want to find anything. Anything. So that's an interesting point. If we find life out there, it could be smarter than us or dumber, right? Do you have like a feeling about that? If they're smarter than us, are you worried they might treat us the way we treat them, that would make us pets? But I always wonder, the whole universe is suddenly so incomprehensible, at least to me, because where does it stop? Where do you fall off? You know, if it goes on forever, are there other planets that we could eventually connect with? Should we fear aliens coming to us, or should they fear us if we visit them? No, I think we should be terrified if they're coming to us. Terrified. I don't want to know about it. I don't have to make friends with them. I don't want to wear a dog collar. I'm not interested in them saying she used to be a funny person on Earth. But the way we... You could end up a pet. You could end up a pet in someone's house. I could be a rescue pet. You could rescue a lot worse pets. I tell you what, she would be one heck of a rescue pet. Yes, this is hilarious. Well, part of this experiment of StarTalk is trying to explore scientists' pop culture and pop... and the comedic side of the universe. Have you noticed, though, every celebrity we've had on one common thread? Peter Maxx said it last week, and Stephen Colbert has said it, and Joan just said it. Every celebrity... I'm name-dropping our celebrities, but every single one has said that they're all in awe of how big it is. Isn't that strange? She just said it again. She was like, it's just awe-inspiring at how big it is. I'd like to think that everybody... You don't have to be a celebrity to feel that way. Don't you wish you had a quarter for every time you heard that, Neil? Had to be dirty. We're going on a break soon. Yeah, so we will soon be having our summer break, but we wanted to get reflections on the previous episodes. By the way, you can listen to our previous episodes. They're being logged one week at a time. You can download them as podcasts from iTunes. And those of you who are from another planet and don't have iTunes, you can hear these episodes on startalkradio.net. Speaking of which, people might be here living among us from another planet. We actually talked to Joan about it. Masquerading, do you think? I've been to Times Square, and the many people I could have imagined would be... That naked cowboy, I'm pretty sure. I actually asked Joan which people in Hollywood might be aliens. Really? Okay, let's find out. In the movie Men in Black, Dennis Rodman, who's your friend, right? My very good friend. He's actually an alien in Men in Black. And in real life. I want to know what other celebrities you think might be aliens. Tom Cruise for sure. Tom Cruise. But they believe in all that. Angelina Jolie with those stupid lips. Those are not human lips. She has a velociraptor kind of feel about it. There are many celebrities. I think John Travolta because he's either the Antichrist to me or an alien because I don't think your career could go from Vinny Barbarina to Oscar winner without having some sort of... Some kind of help. Yeah, you've got some sort of pact with somebody. There's a pact with the devil. You could see that in his eyes. His pointy ears. Oh, we're making friends here on StarTalk. I'll tell you three celebrities that won't be on our show next. Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Dennis Rodman. Dennis, though, is really... He's like really good friends with Melissa and Joan. So that was all said with love. So we also talked about UFO sightings and abductions. Well, yeah, because every time you get someone famous, they're always talking about getting abducted, and it's something I don't fully understand. It's just a way to blame everything. I think didn't Anne Hayes do that? And the aliens dropped me and then I went in those people's backyard and went into their rec room and I had to have a Capri Sun after I'd been abducted by the aliens. They found her napping on their sofa. They found her in Margot Kidder. Blame it on the aliens. When did thou blame it on the aliens? Well, let's find out what Joan has to say about... I asked her if she'd ever seen a UFO. Okay, let's see what she has. You know, I have a friend who is doing a documentary on us, and she has interviewed so many really smart people who will not give out their names because they feel it will really hurt them by saying they have seen it. I have not seen it. A friend of mine in Connecticut saw them, and she and her husband saw it in their car together. But I don't know. I never had anyone from Harvard or Yale ever come up and say, I've seen a UFO. It's always like two idiots with no teeth. You know, I saw it. I was skinning a rabbit, and there it was. Or they use it as some sort of excuse for something. I'm sorry I didn't come home. I was abducted by aliens and probed. But I also had another friend who's very smart. He does Alf. You remember Alf? The funny little comedy. The show, the TV show. The TV show and the character. And he writes Alf. And he swears he was in his house at Malibu, and he opened up his eyes, and there was this thing hovering right outside his window, and then woke his wife up, showed it to her, and then again it went away. So I know two people that I respected have seen them. And then a lot of people that are asses that I don't respect that have seen them. But none of them are dragged like an alien carcass in front of you to look at. No, but my cousin Sheila claims they abducted her from a Starbucks, and they took her towards, I think it was Venus, and they let her go because she kept saying, are we there yet? Are we there yet? You know, it's not as surprising that they roasted her. I mean, it's surprising that they waited this long, because look how quick she is. That was just on the top of her head. Well, not only that, Joan Rivers, I think, is famous for sort of getting on the case of so many other people, so I kind of viewed a roast as, you know, chickens coming home to roost. Finally, everyone else gets a chance to talk about her situation. Yeah, but I thought she was the funniest one on the roast. She and Melissa, her daughter too. Her daughter was hilarious. She's the comedy icon. I mean, that's what that is. So far, I did enjoy, what's his name from the Dick Van Dyke show? Oh my gosh, why does his name just went out of my head? The famous older guy who created, Carl Reiner. Oh yeah, yeah. And he just kept cursing because he never got to do that. So he just kept saying like, MF and all this. Getting it out of his system. It was the funniest thing I've ever seen to see an 87 year old man just going, Oh, C word. And he just kept cursing. It was really hilarious. But back to Joan. Yeah, so I just, first of all, I think many people have thought about the universe. And I think the more you learn about the universe, the more informed your thoughts can be. And from what I hear from Joan, you can't be as comedic as she is unless she's actually thought deeply about all these subjects. So I'm impressed with her intelligence and her background and where she wants to take all of this. I mean, the thing about comics, especially comics like myself and Joan, do you love that I just put myself in the same category? Same sentence. Yeah, but the thing is, you know, we're cultural anthropologists, really. We're just kind of reporters of the truth. We just go out there and dig it up and bring it back. And we bring it back raw. And we just let you do with it what you will. And I've definitely learned this from working with you the last couple of months, Neil. And I love it is that I'm starting to see that I'm smarter than I thought I was when it comes to anything. Because we really do have to think a lot. And you brought that up with Joan. I mean, comedians are observers of culture and science is, I think, when it's the material for comedians, I'm charmed and tickled to realize that it can be a comedic substance. No, we asked Joan. I was curious what her educational background is, because no one ever asked that of a comic. Yeah, no one cares. They're like, just dance, monkey, dance. But she's a very smart woman, very smart businesswoman and very smart. You know, Joan is that rare breed of book smart and common sense smart. And then you can turn that into a fortune. I asked her, what science did she study? Let's find out. I loved biology. I was very good in biology. I was very good in geometry. I was a terrific geometry student because it's very logical. I like the logic of it. Have you used geometry? Have you majored in geometry? I've never used geometry. I just loved it because I love things that make sense and you can control. And geometry is a very controllable science. Well, okay, since so is humor and comedy, right? Comedy is not controllable because you could think something is very funny and nobody else does. You don't control an audience. You could never control an audience. But geometry, yes, you can control this to that equals this. It's controllable and that's it. And you can't change it and I can't change it. And that's it. Comedy, you have some idiot in the front row that can ruin your whole show. So there's nothing to do with it. Now, Neil was talking, Neil's always asking me if there's a formula to joke writing. And my type of joke writing, there's no formula. I'm just kind of, I don't work that hard. There's no formula. No, I don't think so either. And the strangest things they think are funny. You know, you'll write and work on something you think is hilarious, and then you'll say, and they'll go, and you go, that's funny. Okay, that stays in the act. I always have them laugh at the setup. Like, I'll set up a joke and they'll laugh and laugh, and I'm like, really? I haven't even gotten there yet. I don't understand why we're laughing. Okay, so we conclude that comedy is not geometry. It's not geometry. It is not a science. Comedy is, there is no such thing as a science of comedy. And people that try to teach it, I feel, are so cruel. So if anyone is listening out there, if you've got any kind of a logical mind, don't take a course in comedy. Lessons for those in school. You know, the, Lynn, what I find interesting is, first, she's proud of her science background. I think that's great. And not enough people are. I think they viewed science as something they weren't good at, or, I don't like math, and they're proud of it. And other people, like, band behind them and agree and chuckle. And I don't run around saying, oh, I was never good at nouns and verbs and chuckle with other people about this. You know, so I think we should view all of this as just part of what we should all know about the world that we live in. Well, you know, we did a show on space spin-offs and on practical applications of science. And I think this is like getting to the core of it. Now, with some of our recent celebrity guests, Peter Maxx said it last week. And when we got back, you kind of gave me that look like, wow, it's so cool that science influenced him so much. And I know you're such a huge fan of comedy, and I'm sure this has got to be exciting to you to hear a legend like Joan Rivers talk about how science influences her a lot. Yeah, and I know many scientists who love art and love music, and so I just, it's very, I think you can't be a complete person without all sides of you stoked and fed and fulfilled. Well, and now with, again, with the space spinoff show, with all the applications that come on your computer and your iPhone, it's just silly to say that your lives aren't touched by science and that, you know, that science can't be an interesting, sexy topic. This is our last show before we go on summer break, and it's our thirteenth show. We've been reflecting on some of the past shows, and in the meantime, bringing you our interview with Joan Rivers, a buddy of Lynn Copleth, my co-host here. And now yours. Yes, I don't know if I can count her as a buddy. We're an acquaintance, but her dogs were, like, licking me the whole time, so I feel like I'm better friends with the dog than... Maybe you just tasted, like, bacon. I think we had hot dogs or something before that. You're listening to StarTalk Radio, and you can download all of our past episodes on startalkradio.net or podcast them off of iTunes. It's a portal of Discover Magazine, by the way. They've taken an interest in what we've been up to. We're coming up on a break, but you have something to say right before that? Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know we were breaking it. I thought we were going to talk about Stephen Colbert. Oh, let's do that. Let's slip it. Because what I wanted to talk about was, remember, when Stephen Colbert was on the show, you asked him a great question that I love about science and where did he feel we should be by now. And he was frustrated because he said he thought he would have his own robot and flying cars. So we asked Joan the same thing. What she wanted for out of science by now. Yeah, what she expected. Okay, let's see what she said. My cousin married a woman who was at Harvard who worked on making spaceships edible because if anybody got worked on this the day she died in a program at Harvard, because if they went up and they got stuck in space, it would take them like eight or ten years to get somebody else up there to bring them back. So she would say, how are you, Shirley? And she'd say, we made the most delicious split pea desk. That's nasty. It's really true. It makes sense though when you think about it. If they're stuck up there and they say, Lynn, we can't, we're starting right now, Lynn, to figure out how to get you down. We'll be up there in 2014. What are you going to do? You're going to start eating your spaceship. That's what I was going to say is, first of all, I would lose weight before I went up, because I would not want people looking at me with a bottle of A1 going, she's got the big booty. We start with her. We finish with that little one over there. This is the one we start with. That was me and Lynn in the library of Joan Rivers telling us, just telling us like it is. Edible spacecraft, that's not a bad idea. We're going to take a break. You've been listening to StarTalk Radio. You can find us on the internet at startalkradio.net. We'll be back in a moment. Bringing space and science down to Earth. You're listening to StarTalk. We're back on StarTalk. I'm your host, astrophysicist, Neil deGrasse Tyson, with my lovely co-host, Lynn Coplitz, actress and comedian. And what Lynn did for us on this 13th episode of StarTalk, before we go on summer hiatus, is she's buddies with Joan Rivers. It's what Joan did for us, because I called her and asked her, and she said yes, which was very nice of her. Because the value here is, part of our goal, pitting you with me and back and forth, is to try to see if the universe, is there something funny about the universe that we can sort of celebrate. And to get Joan to share with her some of our past episodes just to see how she reacts. We're making science sexy, Neil. We said in one of the earlier shows that we need to give it a makeover, and we are. We're introducing science to pop culture. We put them on a date. We put them on a date for 13 weeks. And it was an e-harmony. It was a huge success. It was a love connection. All the way. Science and the real world got together, and they made a baby called Neil and Len. They made a StarTalk baby. I'll take it. That works. I think that's what happened. I like it. All right. We didn't know if they would get together or not. It was a little awkward, maybe, the first show. Then all of a sudden, now they're hot and heavy. One of our first shows, one of our earliest shows, was to celebrate the 400th anniversary of Galileo and the telescope. Speaking of sexy. I always want to know. You know I love Galileo. He brought sexy back. I always want to know if somebody owns a telescope and what people's reactions are to them. I asked that of Joan. Let's see what she says. We did a whole show on telescopes. That was, in fact, our opening show. Because it was the anniversary of Galileo, the 400th anniversary of Galileo on his telescope. I dated him. The telescope was... He had a very small, you know what, and so he made it small. It was small. It was an extension. The bigger the telescope, the smaller the... Yes, the bigger the telescope. Our listening crowd right now peeling Spock ears back, getting so angry. We're not going to watch that, Rose. How dare she? Did you ever own a telescope? Yes. As a matter of fact, I have one. I have a country house, and I have views of the mountains, and I love to look at them. I own a telescope. Also, again, it's a great decorating prop. When you say you love to look at them, you love to look at the sky or you love the mountains, not the other neighbors? No, no, I like to look at the mountains in the fall because it's pretty. I don't care with it. No, but I think it's wonderful. I love the heavens. I think they're very beautiful. I can't even find the stupid Milky Way, though. I'm not very good. Well, not from New York. You're not going to find the Milky Way. You got to be like in the boonies for that. I feel better. I can't find the North Star. If I was stuck in a boat, I'd be screwed. We'll give you GPS, and then you're good. Oh. Yeah. I think she's an affirmation of this experiment that we've conducted, because this wouldn't have worked with her, but it's working famously. What else do we ask her? We asked her some other funny stuff. Well, what I want to know about the planets, how does she feel about the planets? This hit a lot of people very personally. And she didn't know about you. What? Oh, because I had no... Well, Pluto had it coming, first of all. Let's set that up straight. So I want to find out whether she had any strong feelings about the planets. Let's see what she said. And I want to take a seat in them. Venus, Earth, Mars. Now I'm getting... You're good so far. That's four for four. Uranus, Saturn, Pluto. Pluto got demoted, but we'll give you one. Oh, don't do that. No, Pluto is a planet. It had a planet. It was taught at an ethical culture school, and it's staying a f***ing planet. You're sticking with it. It's a planet. Pluto, and then who's on... Then out here is Jupiter. Yeah, you got Jupiter, and did you say Saturn yet? I said Saturn before. I think you got them all. You got them all. That's because of my grandson that we made... We've also made a thing that goes around a mobile. You're hooking him up. He's going to be your next astrophysicist. Well, kids love that, and they should know where we are in the universe, and they should know about Earth, and they should know about how we're ruining our planet. I think it's all very important to make them aware. So she actually left out Neptune. The only reason she got Uranus was because I pointed to my butt. I did notice that at the time, because you kept pointing to your butt, and I said, why is Lynn pointing to her butt? This is like comedian... Joan looked right at me and went, Uranus!... comedian code. But it's not really, you don't say Uranus. How do you say it? Uranus, if you want to... Now, we got to ask everybody, how's the world going to end? What would they do if they learned that the world was going to come to an end? And we had to say, Joan, you know she'd have something to say about that. Oh, she's got a plan. Let's find out. Now, let me ask, was Saturn the one that got hit? Oh, Jupiter got hit. Jupiter got hit. God, that really upset me. Jupiter got slammed by a comet. And Jupiter has the biggest gravity in the solar system, so it was kind of asking for it. But it's a shot across our bow, because we've got these things that could hit Earth. And we always wonder, if you know we're going to get hit tomorrow, and that's the end of civilization, what would you do today? Eat Italian food. That's it? No, no, no. No men, no sex, no nothing. If I knew tomorrow we were going to be killed and demolished, I would go in and eat fettuccine. That would be it for me. So not even men? Men are not doing it for you anymore, huh? Oh, no, men are doing it for me. Fettuccine doesn't work. I would have fettuccine, and I would probably have French fried onion rings. I wouldn't. Come and get me. But you know what, Joan, we can get that right now, and you can scratch that off your bucket list. Yeah, but then you get fat. I would like to know. You'd be fattened dead, and it wouldn't matter. I would like to know a week before it happened. I wouldn't even tell anybody. I would just go in and start eating. You know, I like that, but I would do that now. So for me, if I knew I only had a week, I think I would start open-handed slapping people. Wouldn't that be great? Just open-handed slapping, like in the middle of the drugstore. The minute the girl's like, we don't have those batteries, smack! I was at dinner the other night with a friend, and he's a very elegant gentleman. Very English, very distinguished. And he said to me, look around this restaurant. There are at least ten faces here I'd like to slap. So that's why we need the comments, so that people that deserve getting slapped, they get slapped. It's a good idea to slap people. You get out of the taxi cab, I need a tip. Really come closer. I never thought this is what you would do when the asteroid comes. Oh, I love when Joan sounds excited by things you say. She got so excited. Did you hear? We asked her one last question. What did she want to see happen in her lifetime scientifically? What kind of discovery? What? Just in her lifetime, how many more years she's got? What does she tell us? That Bernie Madoff gets out of jail, calls me up and tells me where the $62 billion are. Then you can die? After Bernie and I spend it all. He'd be a good one to slap. What would I like to see? I would like to see the planet cleaned up. I think we're being very serious for a second. I shouldn't be, but I think it's a disgrace what we are doing to our atmosphere, it's a disgrace what we are doing to our planet, and I think we better clean ourselves up. Also, I'd like to live until they can tell me nothing is going to fly in from outer space and destroy us. That is very scary when they say, a meteorite may come down, it may kill you. And that's terrible. It makes me want to charge up more on my Mamex card. I have the same way. Can you tell me exactly when it's going to hit? Actually, so it's not the day we'll tell you it'll never hit, it's the day we tell you that if it's headed towards us, we can do something about it. Yes, yes. I just want to know. Science, I think, wastes so much time on stupid things. And I think we should clean up the universe, clean up the space. And don't worry about going out into space, they'll come and find us. So Joan, any parting thoughts for the StarTalk audience? Just that I think how wonderful it would be if there were something out there, and if they were all single and Jewish. I think Joan and Al Gore need to pair up. Because she's clearly green and wants to... Yes, there's a big green dimension to her, I would not have expected that. Well, we're going to take a little summer break. A summer break. This is our 13th episode of StarTalk Radio. But we encourage people to listen to us on our website. You come to iTunes and they'll be added a show per week. There's a little time delay from the live broadcast, of course, but you'll get them and you'll get them each week. Get caught up, people. I don't want you not knowing what we're talking about next time. And of course, it's startalkradio.net, and in fact, we're tweetable at StarTalk Radio. That's what you get. And we will be looking at your questions over, even on a break, we will still be... Yes, we will be monitoring... Because of science, we can keep working. Thank you. And I've been your host, Neil deGrasse Tyson. I'm an astrophysicist and I also serve as the director of New York City's Hayden Planetarium. And Lynn Coplitz, you're not only a stand-up comedian, you're an actress on... Z-Rock? Z-Rock. On IFC Channel? On Sunday nights, so check that out. This is StarTalk Radio funded by the National Science Foundation. We'll see you next time. I'm missing you. We'll miss you. Keep looking up.